Memorial
by ribbonandbuttons
Summary: Tony awakes in the night and tries to find comfort after Kate's death. Tony/Kate friendship, Tony/Tim friendship.


_This was written mainly because I secretly want a anniversary type moment in the show and my need for a little future Tony and Timmy friendship. Make of it what you like, enjoy :)_

**Memorial**

He couldn't breathe. Sweat ran down his back, beads of it slipping across his skin and between his shoulder blades. He shivered violently as thoughts and memories swam around his head, shockingly vivid in his sleep muddled brain. Dreams blended together in his mind as he relived his most upsetting moments of his life as if they were happening to him again. Gunshots reverberated between his ears and there was bright blinding flashes of fire when he blinked. He could smell sweat, and dust and sand. Then quickly it would change to a perfume he hadn't smelt in years. Goosebumps popped up across his bare skin as the covers fell to his waist and the cool air brushed gently over his too hot skin.

Lungs protesting he took in another deep and chilling breath. It filled his chest quickly and shallowly and blew out of his mouth in a loud gasp before he could take in comfort in it. He rasped as he took in another, desperately trying to gather relief from the action. His heart pounded in his ears as blood thumped around his body. He was deafened by it and felt numb, unable to move.

Warm fingers touched his arm and he jerked away from them. His body spasming on instinct, his muscles finally complying. His arm came up out of reflex to brush the hand away and as quickly as it had appeared it was gone. Slowly, without really thinking he pushed his legs out of the bed and onto the cool hardwood floor. He was on his feet before he realised where he was going.

"Tony."

He ignored the voice, which didn't sound as it should to his ears at this moment. Instead it sounded like _her_. He blinked, trying to clear his head and focus on where he was going, who he was and what time period he was actually in. His mind was determined to stay in the past, to stay in his dream. he caught a whiff of the perfume again and his heart ached, stomach twisted and plummeted as he thought of who it belonged to.

He finally reached the bathroom and his hands gripped the porcelain of the sink and he stared around him, unseeing. He ignored the many toothbrushes in the cup on the shelf, the Hello Kitty band-aids in the cabinet and the tube of Spiderman minty toothpaste. He stared at the reflection in the mirror and instead of seeing his older self, with the greying hair and wrinkled eyes from laughter he saw someone he hadn't seen in a few years, the young Tony who was immature and hadn't witnessed all the horrors he was yet to endure. He blinked and he saw the pattern of red splashed across his face that would forever be etched in his mind.

Suddenly he couldn't breathe again. He could still feel it, many many years later. The warmth of the blood, the coolness of the breeze from being so high up, the sun that shone above them all happily, the pain that ignited in his stomach as he realised what had happened.

He fell to his knees, just as, in his head, he remembered falling to them beside her back then. His hands coming out in front of him out of instinct to hold her head. Blood pouring over his fingers and clogging through her hair. Gibbs reaching down to touch his shoulder in a sort of odd fatherly way. The sob that had slipped out of him and tears that had welled in his eyes.

He felt fingers on his shoulder again and he blinked. Her cold eyes disappeared as he refocused and the white tiles of his bathroom reappeared. The hand on his shoulder was real and he let the reassuring weight of it anchor him down. He breathed deeply and tried to bring his soft dry sobs under control, embarrassment rolling up his throat with the bile he had swallowed down. He felt his cheeks warm slightly and didn't turn around to the person who was still standing behind him.

"Sorry." He muttered once he had regained enough breath to speak. He swallowed, his throat protesting a little.

"Do not be silly." She murmured and smoothed his hair soothingly. He breathed a sigh of relief that it was her voice talking again.

The bathroom remained in silence as she eased herself onto her knees beside him and he allowed her to wrap her arms around his shoulders and squeeze him once before she rested her head on his shoulder. Her hair cascaded over his skin making him shiver and he felt her breath on his chin as he tried to calm his still thudding heart.

"Go back to bed." He told her half heartedly when he felt her yawn against him but she shook her head.

"Are you going to come back with me?" She asks quietly. He shudders at the thought of going back to sleep, no doubt straight back into the nightmare he was in when he woke up.

"No." He whispered and she slid her arms from his shoulders. "I'm going for a run or something."

She nodded silently and watched from the bathroom floor as he stood up and walked back into their bedroom. She heard his movements, quiet as he was conscious of the time of night but also still loud enough to tell her that he was distracted with whatever he was thinking about. He appeared moments later in a ratty NCIS t-shirt from long long ago, before she had even joined the agency herself and running shoes but she saw his car keys in his hand.

"I won't be too long." He told her, not meeting her eyes. She grabbed his wrist just as he tried to walk away from her. She stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek.

"I understand Tony." She whispered to him and he shuddered, her voice taking the tone that reminded him too much like his old friends again. She squeezed his wrist before moving back into the darkness of the bedroom again.

It was lightly drizzling outside and he drove too quickly through the streets of DC. He reached the NCIS building quickly due to the hour - there hadn't been many cars on the road. The rain fell on his shoulders gently as he walked up the steps to the front of the building, soaking through the old t-shirt that he had owned since his early days working there. He rarely walked into work this way, usually preferring the entrances from the staff parking lot or from the back of the building. He walked slowly to the large marble monument in front of the main door. In the pre dawn light he could make out the names and dates. He found her name quickly, it's place memorised along with a few other names of agents he knew. He reached out and touched the engravings with his fingers and closed his eyes, allowing her face to appear on the backs of his lids. He sighed and felt his throat tighten slightly.

"It's nice to see that your maturity level didn't increase as you got older."

Tony snapped his eyes open and looked to his left, there stood Kate, the object of his dream tonight. He hadn't seen her in a long time and he found himself laughing as he spotted her in the very same school girl's uniform he had fantasised about so many times before.

"What are you doing here Tony?" She asked him, a smile making her face light up. "Go home to your wife." She broke off to laugh and shake her head. "I sure didn't think I would ever say that word relating to you."

Tony smiled again and felt tears well up in his eyes again.

"Come on, stop moping around here wondering what could've been. It's been _years_ Tony." Kate scolded him, a hand on her plaid covered hip.

"Sorry Katie." Tony murmured, a smile pulling his lips up.

"Talking to yourself?" A voice shook him out of his reverie and Tony glanced over his shoulder, his fingers dropping from the marble. He relaxed when he saw his old friend standing behind him.

"Hey Timmy." Tony mumbled. Tim smiled at him and joined him in front of the old monument.

"Couldn't sleep either." Tim offered as explanation. He drew his collar up around his neck to fight off the slanting rain and cool wind. "Can you believe it's been this long?" he nodded towards the monument before him and watched from the corner of his eyes as Tony tensed.

"Yeah." Tony answered softly, his eyes still fixed in front of him. They stood in silence for a few moments before Tim sighed and slung his arm around his friend. Tony threw him a questioning look and Tim smiled at him.

"Come on." Tim told him matter of factly. "We may as well pretend to get some work done, I need help with a case and I'll even let you mess around with my Probie's desk. "

Tony's eyes brightened and Tim laughed, steering him towards the man entrance.

"Ok," Tony said slowly a grin growing on his face. "But we better not tell the boss."


End file.
